Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
