She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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