Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
