Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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