Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
