How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
