"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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