I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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