I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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