Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
