we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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