you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
