I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
