hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
