he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
