I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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