He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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