I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
