me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
