Me too!
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
