I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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