Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
