That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
