omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
