oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
