were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
