she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
