I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
