yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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