I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
