trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
