Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
