Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
