singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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