and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
