Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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