I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
