you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
