btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
