We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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