You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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