Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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