At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I wish I only lived at night.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
