can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
