I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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