This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
