my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
