Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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