I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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