ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
