Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
