Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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